"Marriage"
After seeing many positive and negative examplary of marriages, I came across few conclusions which I would like to share with you all...
I think the concept of marriage is the most important and yes most beautiful thing that can ever happen to us......
We have good friends, Family n the whole world but still we look for someone special… our sweetheart:) with whom we can share our life ,love ,feelings ,joys & sorrows ,thoughts ,emotions ,success & failures, home/room, anything and everything....
Husband and wife are compliment to each other. They are incomplete without one another...we can have a number of friends but we cannot share the same relationship with a friend through out the life....
We need somebody who can lend a ear to you when u feel sad, you could rest your head on his/her shoulder when you need to relax...you need some one who can be with you for ever....who can love you for what you are....who can respect you for what you have achieved...who can appreciate your efforts and help you over come your weaknesses....who can love you forever...
Only we can make our marriage a success… by knowing ourselves more, knowing our priorities, preferences we can have a vague idea about what we want in life...and based on this we should start hunting our soul mate...
We need to know what is that we can't compromise on...what all qualities you would like to have in your other half so that you feel proud to walk beside him/her....its true for the other person as well....
Before getting married, I think we need to find out if we would be able to respect the other person throughout life. You should be able to find more positive n good things in the prospective spouse than negatives.
Also if you find anything negative, you need to decide before hand how will it affect you...are you able to ignore his/her -ve points, considering his/her positives....
Our parent n grand parent didn't have this option to have so many preferences for their marriages and life partners, they use to do lots of compromises to live life together, it was a gamble for them...
But we are lucky to get enough exposure to the world. Being so independent and self dependent. We have all the freedom and rights to have our preferences....
If we are aware of what we are, what we want from life, how we want to live our life .We set our preferences and then hunt somebody who has lot in common to you, whose presence makes you feel special and happy...some one whom u can listen to for hours.
Whom you feel like sharing everything with....somebody who feels the same for you as you do for him/her….
When you get married there would be lots of differences but those positives will help you compromise happily for the other person....
You never know you would be looking for chances to keep him/her happy by compromising :)
You never know you meet somebody who can be you compliment and full fills your life with lots of love, care and affection.....
I think we should not get married just for the sake of getting married...
Before you plan to get marriedJ
-Know yourself more
-know you priorities and preferences
-look for someone with lots of Common interests
And then proceed further..........
If you do not find somebody for long. Do not get frustrated, somebody somewhere is surely made for you...so keep searching till you find him/her...
Do not get married to anybody till you are fully convinced and satisfied else it leads only to compromises and not to happily compromises....
So hunt and Get married with whole heart and live happily every after….
That’s all from my side....
Hope it helps :)
Poo...
I think the concept of marriage is the most important and yes most beautiful thing that can ever happen to us......
We have good friends, Family n the whole world but still we look for someone special… our sweetheart:) with whom we can share our life ,love ,feelings ,joys & sorrows ,thoughts ,emotions ,success & failures, home/room, anything and everything....
Husband and wife are compliment to each other. They are incomplete without one another...we can have a number of friends but we cannot share the same relationship with a friend through out the life....
We need somebody who can lend a ear to you when u feel sad, you could rest your head on his/her shoulder when you need to relax...you need some one who can be with you for ever....who can love you for what you are....who can respect you for what you have achieved...who can appreciate your efforts and help you over come your weaknesses....who can love you forever...
Only we can make our marriage a success… by knowing ourselves more, knowing our priorities, preferences we can have a vague idea about what we want in life...and based on this we should start hunting our soul mate...
We need to know what is that we can't compromise on...what all qualities you would like to have in your other half so that you feel proud to walk beside him/her....its true for the other person as well....
Before getting married, I think we need to find out if we would be able to respect the other person throughout life. You should be able to find more positive n good things in the prospective spouse than negatives.
Also if you find anything negative, you need to decide before hand how will it affect you...are you able to ignore his/her -ve points, considering his/her positives....
Our parent n grand parent didn't have this option to have so many preferences for their marriages and life partners, they use to do lots of compromises to live life together, it was a gamble for them...
But we are lucky to get enough exposure to the world. Being so independent and self dependent. We have all the freedom and rights to have our preferences....
If we are aware of what we are, what we want from life, how we want to live our life .We set our preferences and then hunt somebody who has lot in common to you, whose presence makes you feel special and happy...some one whom u can listen to for hours.
Whom you feel like sharing everything with....somebody who feels the same for you as you do for him/her….
When you get married there would be lots of differences but those positives will help you compromise happily for the other person....
You never know you would be looking for chances to keep him/her happy by compromising :)
You never know you meet somebody who can be you compliment and full fills your life with lots of love, care and affection.....
I think we should not get married just for the sake of getting married...
Before you plan to get marriedJ
-Know yourself more
-know you priorities and preferences
-look for someone with lots of Common interests
And then proceed further..........
If you do not find somebody for long. Do not get frustrated, somebody somewhere is surely made for you...so keep searching till you find him/her...
Do not get married to anybody till you are fully convinced and satisfied else it leads only to compromises and not to happily compromises....
So hunt and Get married with whole heart and live happily every after….
That’s all from my side....
Hope it helps :)
Poo...
posted by Relaxpoo... at 1:41 PM
7 Comments:
Completely disappointed and disagreed, Pooja.
I have been reading and appreciating your thoughts in past but this post was absolutely pointless. Seems like you wrote it for sake of writing anything over this subject.
You are talking about the priorities and what you need / expect from your partner as criteria for selecting your spouse. How will you justify your statement in case of, so called by you - parents n grand parents? According to your post, all of them made mistake while not going through all these corollaries suggested by you, right?
From my point of view and experience, if there was anything which made their relations great success was neither their expectations they had from each others nor the compromises but the understanding and the trust they had in each other. It is still true in today's world. And you used the word gamble for the associations of that time - it was belief in each-other and passion of making things happen through mutual affection, the characteristics missing in most of married couples of our age.
What do you think about those failed love marriages which happen after going through all those analysis and expectancy matching? I always come up with only one reason behind such relationships - distrust or weak faith in ability of better-half.
And if you think, a friend can't be understood well or trusted enough equivalent to such relations, then you must haven't come across any such connections but I have seen best friend turning into life-partners and there is only one deriving force behind that - honesty / concern for each other.
You strike rightly when you say -
I think we need to find out if we would be able to respect the other person throughout life
But that respect doesn't come from meeting / complying with priorities / preferences but the involvement into the association. When you select / deselect someone, it isn't because of -ve / +ve but the adaptation and inclination capabilities.
All of my above thoughts are based on both sides of coin - be it love or arranged. Relations can prosper in the same way they grew well in old times, if you try to understand other one more than yourself, learn and understand the preferences of better half and develop the interest in the likes of that person - then this world will look much better than it was.
I apologize for anything appearing harsh but I was upset after reading this post about such sensitive subject (possibly you may have had similar thoughts but weren't able to put them in right way).
:)
If one decides to marry someone whom he has never met or talked and just because his parents have asked him to, I would say that he is playing a gamble with his life. That's a different thing that he wins or loses the gamble because of xyz reason...
As pooja mentioned, I think there is nothing wrong in doing the following things when one decides to get married:
-Know yourself more
-know you priorities and preferences
-look for someone with lots of Common interests
If one follows this advice and succeeds to find the spouse meeting this criteria, he/she would have to make a bit lesser effort on understanding each other and even lesser compromises to make the marriage success. And then again, this doesn't guarantee the success of the relationship but definitely increase its chance.
Ya trust and understanding is always required in every relationship.
I have seen that when I mention the word compromise, many people start taking it in a -ve sense, but actually it should be taken in a +ve way. When two people go along together, its bound to have differences in some way. But the understanding people always compromise to the best solution possible, which eventually becomes the cause of the success of their relationship.
Oh yes... To add to my previous comment, "gambling" is not a synonym of "mistake".
In addition to it, its legal in US and I guess some places in India as well. ;-)
Nitesh,
I think we are not on the same plane....
Also i do respect your views but i know very wel what i have written...may be u dont agree to it but its deffinitely based on some experience n facts dat i have realized n observed....
anyways...u can alws believe on wat u have seen till now...this could be other side of the coin...
Pooja
:)
WTF are you writing Cheeku? If you have started again over this space publicly, you are not supposed to back off. Alright?
Firstly, you are trying to be on safer side by supporting my as well as Pooja's view when I already mentioned that my perception & thoughts are absolutely opposite from what Pooja is writing.
Of course, there is nothing wrong in knowing yourself and lot more & more about yourself but when it is about two people, both are supposed to be in sync and then it isn't you only otherwise if you think that you can find someone who perfectly matches what you want and same way you match to what the other one expects, then you think very wrong. And if you say that compromise is the right choice than preferring understanding your partner, then again, it is a big BS.
You are saying that compromise and gambling aren't the -ve words if used in right context, then I will say, F word also fits perfectly at few situations but still can't be used everywhere (that's why I started with what I should had not, at least here over this place and believe me I know, what were you thinking till now ;-) ).
For your view about legal and illegal, lot of things are legal in US or other places but that doesn't mean, they are right...or are they?
Sorry Pooja but your views had no mention of belief, trust, inclination and therefore, you appeared to be dizzy in this subject, to me. You can't get away by saying -
u can alws believe on wat u have seen till now...this could be other side of the coin
when I am telling you -
Relations can prosper in the same way they grew well in old times, if you try to understand other one more than yourself, learn and understand the preferences of better half.
Do you think I am saying anything wrong?
Of course, you would have your part of experience and that can be told as one side of coin to be on safer side like Cheeku, if you want to, but that isn't true or applies to every other relation in this world, specially when you are mentioning old times :).
Nitesh,
Can you please elaborate on:
"if you try to understand other one more than yourself, learn and understand the preferences of better half"
Hi Guys!!! I might be an unexpected and unwelcomed visitor here, but couldnt control to share my thoughts on the topic...
I am not here to oppose or support anyone. I think both the arguments are right in certain capacities.
Marriage, I feel, is an institution, and as rightly said by Nitesh, like our grandparents the key to their successful marriage is the trust and understanding they had for each other. The key point here is that its also important to realise how did they made sure to maintain the trust and understanding. And this holds true even for our generation. I think one easy way to achieve it is communication with each other with an open mind.
As for Vishal, compromise is not -ve term at all when it comes to your happiness. If you compromise for your partner mostly you do it coz YOU wanted to do it NOT coz your partner wanted so... and such compromises are +ve and not -ve. I can say this from personal experience and from whatever I have seen in ppl who have been really very close to me.
As for Pooja: 'Only we can make our marriage a success'. I totally support you on this statement. But what follows this on your blog is not I comply with. Even if you know well and then you 'HUNT' your partner, marriage will only be successful if both wants to make it success after getting married coz there are lots of changes going to happen in both the individuals with time, so how well you know each other and yourself before marriage may be 10 yrs down the line the marriage will be successful only if both wants it to be so, One alone cant do that. As the saying goes, It takes Two to Tango....
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